Grounding and grief

Nasturtiums, cilantro and german flowers

Rebecca writing this week: We have been back in Arusha for a week now. Since we arrived in a state of complete exhaustion, jet lag was not such a big problem for us, although there was one night when Oren woke up around 4 am and couldn't get himself back to sleep. If it's only one night, that's not so bad, I guess. I was glad to see that my flowers in pots actually grew while we were away, and the gardener had done a good job helping a nice crop of beetroot to thrive. 


Paul immediately went back to work on Monday morning, after taking his freezing cold swim. He had a lot of reports to receive and read over, and didn't waste any time getting through them all by Wednesday. I needed to greet our housekeeper Nai and make sure things were OK with her on Monday morning. So I worked from home on Monday morning, and tried to keep the kids going on unpacking and cleaning their rooms in the meantime. It was a real joy to talk on the phone with one of our International Volunteer Exchange Program participants, right before he got on the plane to head to an assignment in Goshen, Indiana. Our second participant is still waiting for her visa to come through from Canada. It's a real nail-biter in her case.

Nai outside our house

In the early afternoon, I dropped the kids off at the Alliance Francaise, where I signed them up for French tutoring three afternoons a week. The kids were not very pleased to hear about this strategy for me to get some more work hours in the office and for them to get ready for school. However, we promised them a movie and slushie at the end of the week if they cooperated. And Oren really needs a little extra help. Despite having learned to read and write in French, back at the Belgian school in Burundi, he was able to completely forget everything he ever knew. It was the most difficult subject for him last year (not counting Kiswahili) and he will need to continue with it in Year 9. We are hoping that 12 hours of study and conversation wtih a real Swiss Francophone in these two weeks might begin to unlock the deeply buried knowlege that we trust is somehow still inside his brain... and at least make his life a little easier for the year to come.

Mt Meru from Gymkhana golf course Tuesday evening

I don't generally work on Tuesdays, and so the kids and I were able to have a more relaxed day. We started a game of Monopoly which we have yet to finish. Oren began work on a big artistic project which will involve transforming his room and making it more homelike for him. It was a truly glorious day, in terms of weather, maybe a bit like a crisp clear fall day on the East Coast, and so we took a few walks around the compound. David has really enjoyed reconnecting with our young neighbor Josiah and they've spent quite a bit of time playing around outside. In the late afternoon, we met Paul at Gymkhana and enjoyed some exercise there: David jumped in the pool (crazy kid!) and Oren and I used the treadmills. I was so proud of Oren for running a 5k voluntarily!

women's bible study

On my other non-office day, I took the kids along with me to Bible study. David was really happy to play with a few other kids who hadn't yet started school. It was really good to catch up with the other women after 6 weeks. Sadly, we were saying goodbye to yet another longtime member of the group. At this point I think there are only 3 people who are part of the group who have been in Arusha more than a year. This is a very transitory community! On the way home, we picked up three of Oren's school friends. They had a really great time reconnecting, talking a lot about video games, and just enjoying being guys together.

baptismal pool from our balcony

Alan and Simon baptize Adam

There were a few other fun things that happened on the compound this week, apart from the really refreshing walks that Paul and I (and sometimes the kids) have been taking every evening. On Thursday afternoon our little swimming pool was cleaned and filled with water for the first time, for the purpose of baptizing two people on the Joshua Foundation team. One young man was from the US and really felt the call to be baptized as an adult believer (he had been baptized as an infant). The other person was a team member from the local community. As renters, we are not quite on the team, but it was really nice to observe the baptism and celebrate with them.  After that, we all enjoyed a big potluck team dinner together and again, it was good to catch up with our neighbors. 

Playing cards at George's after church

In other news, we enjoyed our typical Friday evening at Gymkhana. We even all got into the pool. I was really happy to try out my new wetsuit and to find that it is just as wonderful as Paul promised! It's warm and bouyant! I hope I'll be able to swim laps again soon, as soon as the kids are back in school. On Saturday evening we invited another new family to come share dinner with us. They are starting a Young Life ministry here for third culture kids at the International Schools in town. I've been getting to know the woman, Mary Beth, in bible study, but it was great to spend time talking with both of them. Our kids enjoyed being with their little girls, too. Today, we enjoyed church again, and then a nice lunch at George's with former MCC friends here in town, Neil, Christy and her brother Dan. 

All of these good and grounding events have been taking place during a week of great sadness. On Wednesday, I learned that one of the women who cleans our office block had lost her husband. He was a young man, who happened to have a motorcycle accident. His injuries didn't seem that severe, so he didn't go to the hospital until two weeks later. By that time, he had developed some sort of serious complications and he died within two days. I have known far too many people already this year who have been killed or seriously injured after a boda-boda accident.

Even more shocking was the news we received on Friday at noon. The week before we returned, our neighbor Upendo had given birth by c-section to their third child. She worked as an accountant and her husband Archbold is the principal of the teacher training college here at Joshua Foundation. We would often talk with him early in our stay here, as he brough his 4 & 5 year old kids to play on the trampoline on the base. And then Friday morning, about 10 days after delivering, Upendo suddenly didn't feel well. Her husband got her into the car and they were on their way to the hospital but she died on the way. No one really knows the cause, but it was almost certainly a complication related to the c-section. I had to break the news to Nai, and she was absolutely devastated, along with all the other staff here on base who had known and loved Upendo. She and another housekeeper usually share lunch outside, but that day they shared only tears. 

Since Friday afternoon, there has been a steady stream of friends and relatives walking past our house and going to sit and spend time with Archbold and the extended family. Paul and I went over yesterday to pay our respects, and I think there were at least a hundred people there, just sitting and grieving together with the family. Sometimes we have been hearing wailing. Other times, fervent and loud prayers are drifting over the hedges. We didn't know Upendo well personally, and so I guess it's a wierd feeling to be immersed in so much communal grief without a deep personal connection. But it is just so horrible to think of Archbold now needing to raise 3 little kids (including a newborn) on his own. And it makes me very angry to know of yet another needless death, due to an inadequate medical system. 

Since coming back, Oren has asked several times: Mommy, why do we always have to go live in a developing country? I've tried the bigger picture: because development is the kind of work we do. The problems are big and complex here, and it's good to try to think through with our kids all the layers of development that need attention. Oren and I had a long talk about how if you need better education, you need better-trained teachers, and better salaries and resources to attract more qualified personnel. Classrooms size should be 30 not 200, which also means limiting family size, which requires changes in cultural expectations and behavior.  But maybe it's better to be more specific: we're here to help prevent the kind of suffering Upendo's family is going through now, if there is any small way we can do that.